Soliloquies Anthology 30.1

As I close this chapter of my life and begin a new one, a lot of emotions are surfacing. Although I have been anticipating this transition, and how I will deal with it, the overwhelming sense of losing the biggest constant of my life leaves me at a loss. I’ve been in school for nineteen years. As my graduation, and my twenty third birthday approach, I find myself grieving. I’ve done plenty of grieving in the last couple years, however, there is a version of myself that I’ve been quietly grieving. And so, to close off my third and final year with Soliloquies, I present: twenty two things I am grieving at the age of twenty two.

1. How much I loved reading, and how many books I read, as a child.
2. The glow in the dark stars on the ceiling of my bedroom in Vancouver.
3. My Opa who died before he could see everything I’ve achieved in the past three years.
4. My cousin, Praneil, who passed away before he could attend my university graduation. I attended both of his university grads. 
5. How much love my family had for one another when I was little.
6. Trusting in myself to know that everything will work out, and to feel like I’m making the right decisions.
7. The twelve year old girl who lived and breathed ballet, and who attended dance class four times per week.
8. Playing the piano. I was very good at the piano.
9. My kindergarten teacher’s classroom.
10. The girl I was close friends with throughout high school and who I haven’t spoken to in years.
11. Watching MasterChef religiously with my parents.
12. My grade nine math teacher and how patient he was. I was not stellar at math.
13. The stories I would write, edit, print out, and bind for my mom every Christmas.
14. My routine that I had when I lived in Toronto, and how productive it was.
15. The six inches of hair that I chopped off and donated.
16. Dinner dates with my dad at Burgoo that are so few and far between now.
17. How much I loved going out to explore.
18. The art of pulling my hair into a ballet bun, now replaced with French combs and claw clips.
19. The excitement of dance recitals: getting ready downstairs, running around backstage and hearing “if you can see the audience, they can see you” every two minutes in the wings.
20. My twentieth birthday surprise dinner at Vivoli before I moved to Montreal.
21. Seeing how old my loved ones are getting.
22. The heart I was born with that has now experienced more than it should’ve at the age of twenty two.

I hope that life is kind to you all.